The Greatest Sin of Falling in Love in a Bar 22

We were on our way to the church when I heard Katharine McPhee (Say Goodbye) on the radio. It gave me a very painful glance at the things me and Jazz used to share. Now, it will forever remain as memories.

My heart feels like a circus
it’s too much to take in
it’s hard to lose love
But you were my best friend

That part struck me like lightning. It ripped my heart all of a sudden. I started to cry silently. Mom noticed and gave me a tissue.

As we near the church, I’m starting to have a heavy heart. I wasn’t certain if I’m going to make a good message for Jazz on the necrological service.

Dad parked the car in front of St. Anthony of Padua Church (named after St. Anthony of Padua, the patron saint of lost articles). Mom and I got out of the car and went inside the church.

I saw a lot familiar faces, Jazz’s friends and relatives. I saw Uncle Fred and Aunt Veronica in front of the altar. I approached them and sat beside Aunt Veronica. She held my hand as she wiped her tears away. Mom and dad sat behind me.

A moment later, gospel songs played and the mass started. Silence filled the church. Everyone listened to the touching homily of Rev. Bob Williams while my mind was reminiscing on the past memories that Jazz and I had made – the monthsarry we celebrated, the parties we attended together, the places that we’d been to, the people who we’d known, the things that we did – everything… and it makes me sad to see those memories fade today.

After the mass, a necrological service was held. Everyone close to Jazz gave their piece, which made everyone else very emotional.

Finally, it was my time to give my message. I was shaky, at first, but I had to do it – for Jazz. I stood up and went to the podium. Everyone held their breath because they knew how I really felt that moment.

Hon,

This would be the most painful message I’m ever gonna give you… and today is the saddest day I’m going to live. I really don’t know what or how to tell you things. I don’t even know if you’re gonna get this message or if you would be able to listen to it.

I paused for a while and took a deep breath. I was about to burst in tears again. I tried to compose myself, as much as I could, but then my tears were out of control. It started to fall down on my cheeks. I continued.

Last week, you’ve been acting weird and it kind of crept me off, but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to scare you. You told me for a zillion times, if there’s a thing, how beautiful I am and how you cherished me – although, you’ve already shown how you did.

Then on the 11th of June, I understood your behavior. It was a sign of anticipation – of celebrating our very first year… and I didn’t think it would be the most painful year, because the 11th of June – that was the night when I lost you. I lost a piece of me. I lost a love that will never be found.

People were already crying, some were semi-hysterical while others wept in silence. I continued.

You’d took me to hundreds of places – yet we still seek for adventure. You’d introduced me to thousands of people – yet there’s always room for new ones. You’d told me millions of beautiful things – yet none of it was ever forgotten. You’d given me billions of happiness – and I can’t even tell which part was my favorite… for everything was always at its superlative form – best, most.

I shook my head like someone in disbelief. I held my head high to stop tears from falling, but it overflown.

These were the things I’ll forever remember… forever engraved in my heart… forever a part of me… and these things? These things? It will be a lifetime pain because this.. this.. this thing here… It’s all a bolt from the blue! It’s beyond me why you’d have to go so early… It was so sudden, and you just didn’t even gave me time – not a second – for me to prepare for it.

And so I cried hard. It took me time to calm myself. I couldn’t help myself but to cry as hard as I could. I wanted to explode at that moment.

But despite what I’m feeling right now… despite the things that I’m going through right now… I want to do one thing for you – one thing that might change everything in me. No matter how painful it is, I’m going to do it.

Hon, Jazz, I’m setting you free. I’m letting you go. You are free now. You belong to Him and with Him you’ll be happy – happier than being with me. I’m letting you go not because I’m giving you up, I’m giving us up. I’m letting you go because I don’t want you to worry much about me. I’m letting you go because I want to tell you that I’m going to try being fine… and always know that I love you. It hurts to say goodbye, but I have to. ‘Till then, hon. Wherever you are, wait for me. I love you. Goodbye.

Then I walked towards the bench where I seated before my final speech. Aunt Veronica came to me and gave me a very tight hug. Everyone sobbed right after I spoke. That was my final goodbye to Jazz.

…to be continued

PREV ----- NEXT